There is no way to prepare for the day that you think your four-year-old- who is 24 hours-post-adenotonsillectomy can handle sitting in a doctor’s office for dental appointments for the 2 older kids that you forgot you had and for which don’t want to be charged a no-show fee and then your youngest pukes up breakfast all over her princess dress and her favorite princess dolly in the dentist’s parking lot which leads to a screech fest and going doesn’t make sense but neither does staying so you stay in the parking lot with the puke kid and the adenotonsillectomy kid while the two big kids just have to go get their teeth professionally cleaned without you in the waiting room and then you stuff all four of them in the car and go home and you think every thing should be okay because you turned the smart mama switch on and decided not to take anyone to swimming lessons but then the adenotonsillectomy kid barfs too and everyone is sweating because your air conditioner conked out just in time for the surgery and the repairmen will squeeze you in tomorrow but not today and the kid missing his tonsils then barfs up meds and liquids and blood clots and and then you call his surgeon whose answering services will forward your worries on and then you yell at the older two kids to just not need quite so much today because today is a day you get to worry about only one of them at a time and it is this kid without tonsils and adenoids and apparently no stomach juices left either and when the surgeon calls back he thinks your son will be okay and to give him another hour or so and to try emetrol and he thinks everything will be okay because his job is to know what’s normal even though this doesn’t feel really normal and the surgeon has a parent calling about barfing post surgery every a day because it is surgery and it is a hard thing on the body even if it is routine and so your spouse calls and though he will be home soon and he thinks you’ll be okay because he knows how very smart and capable and loving you are because he has been married to you for nearly 18 years and knows you can handle pressure and then somehow amidst all the worry and the waiting and the barfing and the yelling and the calls the little guy turns a corner and it is all okay just in time for the spouse to get the cuddles and the popsicles that aren’t barfed up and the big kids that don’t need anything anymore and the youngest to go to sleep the easiest she has slept in the weeks since summer pounded on your hot warped door.
There is no way to prepare for this kind of day. There is no way to prepare yourself for loving a bunch of kids and your spouse and the repairman and the doctor and the dentist and the barf and your stupid air conditioner. There is no way to prepare to love yourself with all your faults and worries staring you down in the heat of the moment. But somehow, I did. Time for bed. Goodnight my favorite rebels.